Two Weeks

I'm glad I did not include a frequency for blogging in my New Years Resolutions. I had thought that avoiding FB on weekdays, and not drinking wine after work would provide plenty of blogging time. I try to figure where I've spent the additional, quality (as in stone sober) time, and I can honestly report that I've spent a fair amount practicing piano more. I can also report that it has had a significant impact on my playing - my sight reading is really clicking, as is chord theory, and I learn pieces quicker.

My last post focused on the joy of not drinking - and I can't help pondering the idea that I am experiencing what is very normal to the majority of people (being sober in the evening, fresh in the morning, and functioning optimally all day). Yet I'm experiencing it in contrast to drinking days, so to me it feels exhilirating. I feel lucky in a way to experience the ordinary as extraordinary, and hope it continues.

My resolution to try to be "nice" and "understanding" has been tested quite a bit. I am totally struggling to do the right thing in this regard where my father and stepmother are concerned, but it is not always easy. The dynamic is odd, as they married at 67 years old, and I have become pretty much solely responsible although my stepmother has 3 children herself. She is headstrong, and somewhat self-centered, and my father is weak and easily motivated by guilt. The long and short of this is that I am trapped as sole caregiver for both, in spite of the fact that my father would prefer to have the security of a nursing home. Since she does not want to go along with him - he will not go. And I am expected to be the person that spends half a day at the ER while he gets stitches, and she decides to go along in another ambulance because her stomach "has been bothering" her. Bleh. I truly don't know how to come to an acceptance of this entire situation. I've never been not nice enough to just blow off someone on need, but I can't say I want to be responsible for my stepmother just because her own children don't assist in any way. I know I need to be responsible for my dad, but how am I so totally stuck with her in the process? It isn't as if she was my stepmother as I grew up - and even so - I sure don't expect my stepchildren to have one bit of responsibility for me when I get older. I sure hope even my own kids won't have to deal with what I am now - I am committed to figuring the best way for that not to happen. Wonder if Dr. Kevorkian has a protege? I've read of a place in Switzerland that offers assisted suicide. Maybe I can arrange for that by the time it is needed. That would be the ultimate "nice" and "understanding" thing I could do someday.